The Everwine Suite

I felt like I was pregnant with my son (my first baby) for a thousand days. We had lost a baby before this pregnancy and I have to admit, it made me a lunatic! I bled the entire pregnancy and then was borderline preeclampsia at the end. I had to stop working a month earlier than I expected, I missed my work baby shower and almost missed my regular one!

I needed to get this baby out before I drove myself crazy. I just had these awful nightmares about losing the baby. They told me my placenta could have abrupted but there was no way of knowing for sure (just what I wanted to hear). I should have never “Googled” this. All I could think about was making it to 39 weeks and then the doctors telling me there was no heartbeat. Of course, they did growth scans but once a week was not enough! I always joke that you never know how truly crazy you are until you have kids. It is the truth!

Sidenote: Also remember to always be your biggest advocate when you are pregnant! Our doctors see so many people and get you in an out. I remember my high risk doctor complimenting me on being so persistent when I felt like I was being crazy. He said something to me that I’ll never forget, ” I have seen a lot of people get shit on (meaning people losing their babies for whatever reason) and I don’t want you to be one of them. These doctors see so many patients but my job is to make sure you have a healthy baby.” This stuck with me and made me feel at ease when I called the doctors panicking a thousand times.

After a scary, long and tortuous pregnancy the high risk doctor decided I would be induced at 38 weeks. I was so excited to get this baby out and to stop stressing! Now THIS is something I should have researched more. INDUCTION. I thought I was going to be induced, pop a baby out with a few pushes a few hours later and then our cute little family would pose for a picture to post on Facebook. I’d breastfeed my baby, lose all 50 pounds I had gained as soon as I left the hospital and we would all live happily ever after. We would have a new definition of happily ever after

They told me to have a nice big dinner and come into the hospital at 8PM on a Sunday (March 19,2017 to be exact). They told me to bring some things to keep me occupied because it was a long process. Well they were right about that! I swore it would only be a few hours before I met my little man but I was so wrong!!!

They started the SLOW process and told me to get a good nights sleep (yeah right). They started me with Cervidil. Sit and wait for 12 hours. What?!? While waiting, I was greeted by the worst period cramps of my life. Still not dilated, another dose. 12 more hours. Still not dilated, ONE MORE DOSE! Ugh!!!! Thankfully, my mom, dad and husband were there through this whole process. My poor parents slept in the waiting room the whole time. (You will hear plenty about my rockstar parents along my journey.)

I can’t remember what the next medicine was… I think it was Pitocin. Oh my God. Here came the contractions everyone was talking about! The gave me some morphine then asked me to walk to labor and delivery. WALK. Needless to say, that did not end well. Vomit. Thank goodness I was following my perfect birth plan (yeah right).

The next few hours or days were kind of a blur. I was exhausted and uncomfortable. I did get my epidural pretty early so that was one thing that went right. How could it take this long to freaking dilate all the way?!? I bounced on a ball, sat my butt up on some cushion then got my insides blown up with a balloon (how lovely).

Funny side story about the ballon. The doctor was having a hard time getting the balloon “threaded” as she called it. My poor dad walked in while my legs were wide open with his Monster he had just bought! He was like a deer in headlights. Nothing like your dad seeing you at your grossest moment! Modesty was officially out the window! Bring it on!

Thursday night and still no baby. The doctors and nurses were calling our room “The Everwine Suite”. I was finally dilated all the way and it was time to push. I remember thinking “Damn it! I really should have gone to those classes”. Push, push, push. The one nurse had the NERVE to tell me I was making the wrong FACE while I was pushing. She got the message that I might actually hate her and was quickly replaced by the other lovely nurse who helped me the rest of the way.

We had switched doctors and I had a MAN that I had never met. I was so upset but he was AMAZING. He was calm and reassuring. He didn’t really leave my side and couldn’t believe they had let me go this long.

I was beginning to feel like a failure. I was pushing and nothing was happening. I swore I pooped myself and they were just being nice telling me I hadn’t. I really didn’t THANK GOD! Apparently Trent was “sunny side up” whatever the heck that meant. The doctor had to keep pushing the baby’s head down every time I pushed but he wasn’t coming out.

I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea what to expect. Apparently I knew nothing about the woman’s body or about labor. I should have read more books. I should have “Googled” more. I should have went to classes. LABOR IS UNPREDICTABLE.

Suddenly, I could see worry in the nurse and doctor’s faces. They were watching baby’s heart monitor every time I pushed. Nobody was talking. Now I’m panicking. Did my baby die? Am I okay? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?

The doctor asks me to stop pushing and explains that the baby’s heart rate kept going up every time I pushed. Then I spiked I fever. I still had no idea what any of this meant. He starts to explain that the baby is under too much stress but he’s still not saying the word. Finally my husband exclaims “So what does this mean, doc? C-section?” and he nodded his head yes.

The next few moments were a whirlwind. My parents had to pack all of our stuff up and leave! I was devastated but also relieved. Erik has to get dressed and then we went into the surgical room. Poor Erik (my husband) had to sit by himself in the hallway why they prepped me. He said it felt like an eternity. Finally, it was time to get this baby out. He stood by my head while they tugged and tugged and tugged. It was awful. I was so nauseous and so uncomfortable (don’t let this scare you about c-sections because my next one was not this bad). They said “he is here” but I couldn’t hear him crying! I was panicking again! I immediately thought something was wrong. Apparently, c-section babies don’t cry right away so don’t panic!

Then they took my husband away from me and I still haven’t seen my baby. They told my husband to take pictures of the baby but he was so worried about me he couldn’t even enjoy it. They bring me the baby after what felt like a lifetime. I held him and just cried. This was he best moment of my life. I could not believe this was my life. My husband and I just looked at each other and just kept crying. I don’t think I could have loved my husband any more than that single moment. We did it. He was here and he was healthy. We were a FAMILY.

I was exhausted. It was 1AM. I was so in love and so happy he was here. Trent Lewis .

The rest of our hospital stay will have to be for another post.

Just remember, everyone has different birth experiences. We are all strong women for getting through whatever our experiences were. Remember to never make anyone feel less than you. For those of you who think a c-section is the “easy way out” you are wrong. I felt defeated, frustrated and upset. I couldn’t change my baby’s diaper right away, I couldn’t take care of my baby the way that all the books told me about, I had the worst time breast feeding, I was exhausted and in so much pain.

Always remember to embrace the journey and the chaos. Every part of this journey has its beautiful and not so beautiful moments Try to embrace all of it (even the crappy parts😂).

Crazy, Beautiful Life

Welcome to me crazy, beautiful life. This is what I like to call our life every time somebody tells me that I have my hands full, thinks I have my stuff together, calls me super woman or just looks at me like I am a hot mess (let’s be honest, I am most of the time). It is funny, you do not realize the complexity that comes with the decision of becoming a mom until you start the journey yourself. It is a CRAZY road we chose to travel but we cannot forget how truly beautiful it is.

My name is Starr. Yes, that is in fact my real name.

I am a special education teacher, a mom, a daughter, a sister and a friend. I am not a writer by any means and I am definitely not the perfect mom but after entering into my third year of parenting, I realized that I have a lot of stories. I have great stories, sad stories, overwhelming stories, HILARIOUS stories, scary stories, lonely stories, loving stories, uplifting stories and … more stories! I have always found it comforting when other moms have shared their stories with me. Some stories have been shared with me directly, on blogs, by reading articles, scrolling through silly Facebook videos, or just on social media. These stories or words of advice have often gotten me through my hardest days of parenting.

So here is the reason I am writing. I am hoping that in my stories… another mom or parent can find comfort, advice, a reminder to take a deep breath or just a good freaking laugh.

Happy Momming!!

My 2 under 2: Trent and Riess